Tag Archive: relationships


nigrum sericum

 

Death.

how sweet your taste, lingering forevermore upon lips
quivering with desire known only by your secret lovers.

 

How I long for black silk,
softly teasing with forbidden dreams
of what lies beneath…

 
Death.

how sweet your kiss, upon those icy lips of a broken man.

 

 

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i just need to vent today, because my head is bleeding.

i am so bloody gatvol of my life at the moment. some background info: i am currently a student studying 1400km from his hometown. my family and i are supposed to be pretty close, but last night when i chatted to them on the phone, they just made me furious. i mean, it’s that time of the year where everyone is getting tired and stress is mounting for finals. on top of that, i’m having a spot of trouble in my long-distance relationship (i know, but i love her). i just really needed someone to bloody-well talk to. and i miss my home, family and girl. all i heard from my parents (we have a stout ritual in place where they call at least once a week) was how i better not f.cuk up my studies, i need to stop partying and study more. i mean, come on people!!! i get enough of that crap all year round, and i was just really looking forward to having a little chat with my mom and dad. granted, my dad had a shitty weekend with work and all, and i understand the pressures of his career – but they really didn’t need to come and take it out on me.

thank goodness for my little brother. he saved the day by calling me back and talking with me. i love that guy, and he’s one of the two reasons i haven’t killed myself yet. yes, i get suicidal at times. and it sucks. it’s just that feeling where you don’t see the point in trudging along anymore, and it would be so convenient to end it. don’t get me wrong, i know there are a lot of people much worse off than i am. i have a lot to be thankful for. but i don’t give a shit about how crappy it is out there. i’m thinking about me, myself and i. i know it sounds egotistical, but what the hell – i don’t think it’s too much to ask that the sun shines on my little plot once in a while.

so there i was last night, feeling all kill-myself-like, when a strange series of events leads to me knocking my head open and bleeding all over the place. i had a slip in my favourite bistro and smacked my head on the stairs. it hurt like hell. i was rushed off to the hospital by a friend of mine, and they patched me up after i tried bleeding myself dry (stupid headwounds). they also pumped me full of funny chemicals to get my body stable after the little incident. the funny chemicals, of course, had somewhat of an adverse effect on my mind… which led to me saying a whole bunch of stuff to my girlfriend which i can neither remember or make sense of. i just know that i made her real sad, and that worries me. she’s real special and stuff, and i don’t want to lose her because my head is broken (yes, i’m psychotic). i just don’t know what to do or where to go anymore.

except home. i really need to go home.

my study plans and aspirations to get my real body back (read ‘gym on a regular basis’) were also somewhat thwarted by the hole in my head. i got set off with a whole day, and i won’t be able to go to the desired physical lengths without bleeding all over the weights and rowing machines. but we’ll see. i’ll probably be a bit scarce over the next few days or so – trying to get going on the knowledge trip and all. i just hope this stupid gash doesn’t hinder my efforts too much, as i’m still feeling a bit woozy and not-all-that-stable-yet.

’till then, au revoir…

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